2003-09-14 - 12:35 a.m.

'"this is the part of me that needs medication"'

I'm so sad right now. So sad that I'm sitting here watching 'John Ritter Remembered' and bawling. Don't know why but I've just been extremely emotional today.

It doesn't help that it was just so long. And I know that I'm not losing it. I'm not losing my mind. I'm not. I'm just sad. And feeling really exposed. Like raw and sliced right open. My guts are on display. All gleaming. And exposing me for how fucking weak I feel. For how fucking weak I must actually be then.

And I know what it does to me to be so hard on myself. It's this horrible vicious cycle. And I want it to stop. So maybe I'll just click my heels. Maybe I'll shake myself from this nightmare. This waking fucking dream. And maybe, just maybe, I'll make me ok again.

�

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