2003-02-19 - 11:32 p.m.
'something sunny for these dark days'
Was just thinking about the night I met him at this club downtown. And the alcohol had just started thrumming through my veins and making me feel happy. And it was beautiful and artificial, but in that good way that screams, 'This is what life is about.' And Penny and I danced and checked out boys and it was like being young and alive. We ended up on the patio upstairs and outside. Drinking. Drinking the air and the night and I swear it was one of the best nights ever.
Then some stupid song comes on and we're rushing down the stairs when I see him coming up. And I turn to Penny and say, 'Oh my god. That's the most beautiful boy I've ever seen in real life.' He's red-headed. And glowing in this way that made me want to stay. But we kept walking down and he kept walking up. And that was the end I thought. So, Penny and I are dancing when I glance over and see him. Somehow, and I honestly don't remember how, we're talking. and he's even prettier up close. All facial hair and perfect teeth. Beautiful. We're all on our way out and he and I start talking by the wall outside. And everyone disappears. Completely. I am so far drawn into him that it's just him and me.
I gave him my number thinking I'd never hear from him again. But then it could have been fate. It seemed like so much fate, if I actually believed in something that good. Because everything just lined up in this perfect way for me to meet him that night. I wasn't supposed to be there. I met him just hours before my flight to St. Louis. Mere hours before he went back to Austin.
I miss him sometimes. Because now, after all these things that have happened these past few days, I don't know if I'll ever be able to be with anyone ever again. I don't know if I'll let another soul touch me. And that's scary. But then I start thinking about him and about being in Texas the first time at this fairly empty bar on like a Sunday night. And he sits next to me, takes a slow pull of his beer and tells me he's a thug. And it makes me smile a smile I thought was gone. I think about being in his living room, a leg thrown over him, and being more comfortable in my skin that I've ever been. I remember laughing. And kissing good kisses. And I know now that he's probably the one. Or was the one for me then. Now I'm the one. All by myself. All alone.
But that's not very sunny. Now is it?
�
previous - profile - me - rings - links - gbook -
notes - next
all written material � jordorange 2003-2004
