2003-11-11 - 8:54 p.m.
'"birthday wishes are the only ones with validity"'
I ended up having Chipotle and watching old Full House reruns instead. Both were surprisingly fantastic. Even as they were bounding leaps from what
I actually thought I wanted on the day.
Age, I think, is making me remarkably adaptable. Or maybe it's just making me recognize that I always have been. Easy to twist and squish. Easy to slip into cracks and odd odd spaces. Oh so easy to please.
This was the first birthday of my life that I was all by myself. Completely. In fact, the only people I spoke to all day were across phone lines. Or behind counters. The most I said today was, 'Thank you,' or 'Excuse me.' Or 'Could I get a chicken burrito, please? No salsa.' And that's all fine. The day's been good. Oddly calm.
I've been content. Truly. Content with the messages on my machine. And the not really having to think about what it all means. All this getting older. All of the growing up I'm supposed to have done over these past few years now lined up behind my back. And especially not thinking about all of the time that one more year puts between myself and the last time I saw my mom. Or recognized her smell or her laugh in an over-crowded room.
I wore her perfume today to feel closer to her. But I decided that I will not cry on my twenty-fourth birthday. Today will be special that way. And so unlike the others.
Today I maybe became someone more like myself. Someone allowed to be happy. Or grow older. Or be young. I allowed myself all of these things today. Because that allowance is what I would have wished for had I had birthday candles to blow out. To make wishes on. Since, as they say, "everybody knows that birthday wishes are the only ones with any real Validity."
So candles be damned.
I wish. I wish. I am. I'm happy today.
�
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