2004-02-20 - 1:59 a.m.

'hell would have to exist for it to freeze over, right?'

Tonight as I sat in the passenger seat of Tom's new truck, high above the traffic on Mopac with my face pressed against the cool glass of the window, I realized something pretty amazing.

I realized that all of my sad sad boy memories are slowly being faded right out. And all the old places, the old monuments to my long dulled happiness are being made bright again. Shiny and fucking new again.

I checked my heart and the sad ache is gone. And it's turned to the most amazing fucking throb. All because I'm making new boy memories. Fantastic every single day memories with Jeremy. My fucking boyfriend.

I've never had that before. And right this very fucking second I am so happy that it scares me a little bit. And maybe it makes me want to cry a little bit more. But then Thomas said to me today, 'You know how protective of you I am? Especially since I know everything you've been through?' And I said, 'Yeah. Yeah, I do. Thank you.'

To which he said, 'And I trust him with your heart.' Maybe the most brilliant thing about that is I think I do, too.

�

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