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2003-12-19 - 11:54 a.m.

'back here in the land reality forgot'

I went out drinking with the boys last night. We ended up pounding many cherry vodka sours while crammed into a tight booth sharing secrets. The kind of secrets reserved for the very best of best friends. We were each slurping happily when JR whispered that he thinks he's in love with me. And I am confused for the very first time. And really just so touched.

No one has ever loved me. Been in love with me. No one's ever said as much anyway. So very much in seven small words. All sharp consonants and sloping vowels. All pretty little sounds strung together with the intent of dancing on earshells. And maybe seeping right in until they're flush against the drum. Pounding. Rhythmic songs of maybe-love. But definitely what sounds like it.

When I took off that night he hugged me. Which he has never ever done. And he buried his face in my neck. It broke my heart then. And still does right now. I kind of ache for him.

Because I guess I have always kind of known that he likes me, but I never would have thought so much. I mean ... Love? It kind of makes me want to bend him into pieces -- this boy who's never been kissed -- and cram him into my carryon bag. Take him home with me. He's still so young. So moldable. I could make him my perfect human being. Or maybe I'm overlooking the simple fact that he already may be. He does, afterall, already love me.

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