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2003-07-09 - 11:04 p.m.

tonight's the night i didn't win the lottery

Only four days until the bad day. And I'm still here in good old Scottsbluff. Trying to trudge through all these summertime blues. These long long dragging days. I'm keeping myself preoccupied, though, by packing for Austin. And it's like this fantastically unending task. Because I keep packing and then unpacking. And repacking. Organizing. Stacking. Restacking. It's all very very exciting.

In other news, the Powerball jackpot is topping two-hundred and fifty million dollars. So I took the numbers from my last fortune cookie, gathered up all my scattershot hopes and bought a ticket. Because I've got to say, the idea of it is pretty damned appealing. With that amount of money, I could so easily just disappear. Find a far off and seculded place or someplace so crowded that I'd blend right in. And maybe I could be able to just live. Live outside the boundries of all this bullshit. Live a life beyond nebraska and my family. And all these expectations and fears of not being able to survive. And not really knowing if I want to.

And people always say that a person can't buy her happiness. But I think the going price on mine is sitting at just about a quarter of a billion dollars. Yeah, kid, that'd do it. Easily. And if it won't, I could certainly have one fuck of a good time trying to track it down with all that cash.

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all written material � jordorange 2003-2004

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