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2003-04-15 - 12:07 a.m.

'"i want to hate you so bad, but i can't"'

My one goal for the day was to clean my house. And now it's not even today anymore. So yeah. Goals-schmoals and the like. Today my car broke down. And I bought an amazing green chair. The kind of old chair that let's you sink right in and sort of embraces you. The way any good chair should.

Meanwhile...

I've been meaning to write about this for a few days now, this dream I had. And I'm not sure why I haven't. And it's probably not as important as it seemed when I woke up that morning. I dreamed about Skip the other night. I dreamed he came here to pick me up for our very first date. Our very first date nine years too late. And his hair's a little long. And his smile reaches his eyes so deep. I'm upstairs when he comes knocking and my mom answers the door. And it's strange because my reoccurring dream of him stopped so suddenly the day I found him. Now they're back. And that seems noteworthy somehow.

On the Brandon front...

I've been listening to far too much Dashboard Confessional again. And every time I do, I get the urge to write letters and make lists. I actually sent him an email the other night. Type. Type. Re-type. Read-through. And send. I just miss him so bad sometimes. And it kills me to know that he's out there, existing despite me. Filling his days with not thinking about me. When all I do, it seems, is think about him.

Oh cruel cruel life.

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