2003-02-01 - 12:51 p.m.
'to move too fast and want too hard'
So, last night we went out and on our way out, this boy stops me at the door. And he knows me, but I can't seem to put a pin in the place where I must have known him before. So we leave and it all comes rushing back. We went back. And I think he must have known that we went back for him. We ended up talking, a rushed and hushed conversation in a crowded, dimly-lit bar. He made sure to tell me that he was a law student and only worked the doors at this bar we used to go to as a favor for a friend. And I wondered, do I look like the kind of girl who would be more or less impressed by a law student over a bouncer? He gave me his card. And damn, if he only knew how very bad I am on the phone.
And then I got to thinking the obvious thoughts. A law student? Would he still be interested in me if he knew me. If he knew what I was into. What turns me on. That I'm bad at math. And I'm melodramatic. And I really haven't thought those kinds of thoughts since the cute neighbor-boy with a lot of religion asked me out on a pseudo-date to go bowling. I psyched myself out. I never called.
But this is different. Because I was just thinking that I need something different. Maybe someone older. Maybe someone less like me. Maybe someone less like the boys I usually drift toward. And there's something about a boy in a button-down beaming down at me while we talk. There's something about the difference. Something about this one. Because I always thought he was cute in that he'd-think-I-was-a-freak sort of way. But, maybe he doesn't. Maybe not. And maybe I'll call. Fuck it. I'll call. Because, I haven't got much left to lose.
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