2003-01-25 - 11:06 p.m.
'obsessive. slash. compulsive.'
It's just when I'm sitting alone watching one of the funny shows from my couch. Or the Simpsons. I think of you then. A fleeting thought. A small thought. A whisper of a thought so tiny it really only barely counts. And sometimes I think about you when I just wake up having had a dream with you in it. Of kissing or maybe just holding your hand. It makes me remember how warm you were. And how much I really just wanted to stay stuck in that moment for just a moment longer.
I thought about you when I read this story about this southern boy trying to soften his accent. And when I hear this one Dashboard Confessional song. The one that goes, 'I'll hit the pavement. It's gotta be better than waiting and pushing you far away 'cause I'm scared.' But, I really don't hear it that often. It's not like I know all the words by heart. So you can't be with me that much.
I guess I think about you when I wear my glasses or the shirt I had on the night we met. And, sometimes you pass through me, only briefly, when I think about jewelry and which bracelet to wear on a given day. Though lately I'm keeping my wrists all but bare. And it's not so I'll forget, it's just so I won't have to remember about you.
So, it's really only on the sunny days. When all I want to do is walk barefoot. Or when I drive by the Merriott on Louisiana. Or when that commercial with the Dachshunds comes on.
You see, I don't think of you that often. I'm only thinking of you now. Because, I guess, I just miss you, even though I know that it's not right. I miss you despite myself.
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