2003-01-22 - 2:05 a.m.

'there are no do-overs in the 'real world,' are there?'

Well, I finally got in to see an advisor about school. And have finally registered. On one hand it feels pretty damn good to have a plan again. On the other hand, I really do not want to be back at school. School just seems to me like this huge waste of time. And effort. And planning. It's just this place-marker for the times. I don't know, maybe it's valid. Maybe it's what I should be doing. Where I should be. I just can't seem to find the modivation. It's just insane.

On another note, went out tonight. Had drinks. Had fun. Saw a boy. There was eye-contanct and a pretty smile. Who knows, this one may work out. Maybe it won't, but I guess it's worth a shot.

I mean, Brandon has left me all sorts of confused. I really like him. And I really would love it if he were here right now, all sorts of sleepy on my couch, because I probably miss him. But he's not here. And I've probably freaked him out. So, for now, I accept that it is what it is. And what it is, is out of my hands. If he comes into town, I'd be so happy to see him. If he calls, great. But, until then, I can't sit waiting. Biding my time. Hoping. One can only hope so much. One can only be so optimistic. And if the timing's off, the timing's off. And once again, it's completely out of my hands.

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