2003-01-20 - 3:57 a.m.

'they don't call it melodrama for nothing, folks'

I'm not entirely sure why, but these last few days have been so trying. I feel like I'm caught in some sort of emotional cyclone, waiting to pass into the eye of the storm. But, no such luck just yet.

It's probably just all this time alone. It's just been way too much time to think and listen to sad sad songs.

Yes, I'm being melodramatic. It's what I do.

Saw 'About Schmidt' the other night. And all I kept thinking was how strange it should be for me to relate so completely. It's just that life can seem so small and futile. And it gets to a point where the line between what matters and what doesn't just gets all sorts of blurry. Until nothing much matters anymore. I mean, things that seemed so important to me a few years ago have slipped away. And nothing's really come to take their place. That's kind of a scary thing to realize.

Some days I feel more broken than others. Today I felt ok. But I realized that it's time to put the 'I'm fine' face back on. Because I shouldn't expect the world to come to a stand-still just because I happen to be sad. If I know anything it's that to expect anything is to expect far far too much.

Again with the melodrama.

Too bad that it seems to be the truth most of the time. But today I'm ok. I felt ok. And that must mean something. If only to myself.

�

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